


In Memory Of You

by orphan_account



Category: Xenogears
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Body Dysphoria, Body Horror, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Except they didn't succeed at suicide, Extreme angst, F/M, Ficlet, Funeral/Burial, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Canon, Reference to turning into wels, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Survivor Guilt, cowardice, filling in how badly canon handled Yui's death, reference to suicide pact, spousal death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 15:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20065999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: She meant so much to him, and now that he has time to think about more than survival...





	In Memory Of You

They had made the agreement, as the transformations began from the Gaetia Key, that if either of them began to transform, her into a Wels, him into a Seraph... that they would die by the other's swords. Not by the others in battle, not impersonally to one ensconced in a Gear... but the one who had not transformed, yet, would take the other's life as an act of mercy, before the transformation completed, to die human in the other's arms.  
  
To hear those words from her had hurt him. Yui was, honestly, the only pure Good he had ever known, someone he never had deserved, the first person who had finally broken through to show him just what the truth of Solaris had been - this thing that they had faced in battle, and the end of the world as anyone had known it that they now struggled to survive, had been the goal, all along... if only he had listened earlier...  
  
In a way, that she had died in an accident, in the crash of Shevat to the planet below, rather via transformation, felt almost a relief - that he had not had to even consider killing someone who was as innocent, as blameless as his beloved wife.   
  
Yet the guilt was there - the guilt that he had not told her of the wings that had began to form in his back, had not let her kill him so they could be together in death - even if, somehow, it had halted in time, even if he remained human just by... something. Sheer luck? That they had dealt the final blow to Deus in time? That his body and mind had been capable of resisting the transformation?   
  
He felt them twitch under his rain-soaked shirt and kimono, as he placed her sword and kimono sashes, all that had been left of her personal effects, in the newly built shrine in the living room, in the tradition of distant ancestors to which he only had the most vague of connection, a tradition that had not held on through either the Ethos or the Nisan Sect, but simply by... just being there.  
  
"Please... come to visit someday, if you can."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the shrine to which I'm referring: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butsudan  
It would make sense since both Yui and Hyuga|Citan carry on the shreds of what was left of Earth Japanese culture, he would remember her with this.
> 
> I put the Graphic Depictions of Violence warning on because of the talk of sui plans for both and how triggering that could possibly be. While the violence isn't *that* detailed here, there's no archive warning for suicide plans/suicidality.
> 
> Also, suicide planning is never the answer in real life. If you feel triggered or suicidal, please use the following resource: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


End file.
